My Supporting Cast.

Most design sucks, most art sucks, most music sucks, most movies suck, most food sucks, most books suck, most TV sucks. Hell, most people suck. That’s part of why good things are so special.

This year I’d like to mention more about the people who give me the fodder to write a fresh blog entry six days a week.

Many of them aren’t actors, either. Like my friend Andrew, who emailed me the above pic of his front door, and asked, “Am I the victim of a hate crime? Do you think a bunch of Jewish hooligans put this on my door???”

Then there was the time Andrew sent me this text: “On the airport paging system they are looking for Mohammed Alajmi. That can’t be good.”

A few weeks ago, he shot this pic:
And we had this conversation via text:

ANDREW: At a Phoenix Coyotes game. Guy in front of me going full yarmulke.
ME: Sending a public message.
ANDREW: He’s keeping it real.
ME: Real Yiddish.
ANDREW: Wants me to know.
ME: If he can get one goy to text his Jew friend, that yarmulke has paid for itself.
ANDREW: If a Palestinian approaches him, I will obviously get the hell out of here.
ME: Duck and cover. It’s gonna get explosive.
ANDREW: Wearing a yarmulke is like doing a full-time Tebow.
ME: Only gayer.
ANDREW: You know he’s religious without even talking to him!
ME: Of course.
ANDREW: It’s like his own personal hockey helmet!
ME: With God reflecting the pucks.
ANDREW: I may start wearing a cross outside my shirt full-time.
ME: Embrace your Long Island Guinea side.
ANDREW: Cross with a wifebeater.
ME: Spot on.
ANDREW: And a satin Mets jacket.

Weekend Recap.

You’d haul your butt through the vet parking lot too if you just had a syringe stuck in it for the first time… While fighting a cold, I had time to catch up on my DVR. Forget sitcoms – this is the best thing on TV right now… I voted for Christopher Plummer, Steve Buscemi, Alec Baldwin and the ensemble cast of “Boardwalk Empire”, and they all won SAG Awards last night. Even while deathly ill, I’m a kingmaker… I did make it out to Asanebo in Studio City for dinner. Their lotus root chips only strengthen my theory that you could deep-fry a catcher’s mitt and it would taste kickass.

Can I Sue For A Hostile Work Environment?

While working at an office on a writing assignment, this is what I’ve had to stare at all week.

In Which I Literally Set The Record Straight.

When people misstate statistics, I feel such a burning desire to straighten them out that my TMJ flares up in my sleep. But it’s not an obsessive-compulsive thing – I’ve read like a hundred articles about it.

And there’s one stat in particular that I have heard so many acting teachers and coaches F up, and as apparently the last hetero male actor in all of Los Angeles, it’s on me to stop this.

Here’s what they all love to say, as a motivational analogy to help us accept rejection: “Babe Ruth could not have been the home run king without also being the all-time strike out king!”

Right, except on the all-time list of most strikeouts for a batter, Babe Ruth is not first. He’s 99th. And after a couple of active players pass him this season, he’ll be 101st.

Am I going overboard? Nah. The only thing I’m guilty of is loving the Yankees. And wanting to punch the next misinformed acting teacher in the face. And shove a coffee filter down his pants. But, in my defense, I believe assault should be legal if a person is a jerk.

Get Your Butt To LA, Part 35: There Will Be Lulls.

Sometimes you’re in the zone, booking auditions, nailing roles, driving doubles into the gap. And then most times, it feels like trying to move a sleeper sofa up a flight of stairs.

These are the lulls. Every actor no matter how successful has suffered through them. Sometimes you’ll get so sick of moving like a slug. You’ll want to move like a cheetah. Or a slug driving a remote-controlled car. Well, maybe something more plausible than that, but fast.

Remember, it’s impossible to work every day. It’s why you can never ask an actor if he’d recommend his agent. 99% of them will tell you their agents are worthless, and not getting them auditions. But do you really think agents are ignoring us? Don’t our paychecks put food on their tables? Trust me, they’re submitting us. And so are the agents for 12,000 other actors for each role, so hang in there.

Tom Hanks has said that after “Bosom Buddies” went off the air, he didn’t work a year, and one year for an unemployed actor felt like five years. He began to accept that he’d had a good, short run, and now it was over. But then he auditioned for Splash, and thirty years later he’s still working his ass off.

That’s how it works. And by the way, this isn’t a business of “turns.” Really? Like, “When will it be my turn to play shortstop for the Yankees?” Relax. Everyone who wants it bad enough makes it.

So have fun in between the work. And know that it won’t always be this way. Patience and persistence. And when that big, life-changing opportunity arises, be ready.

Special Guest Blogger: George Clooney.

I’ve got a super busy day today, so I’m turning over the reins to double Oscar-nominee George Clooney, who had a really good interview recently in Esquire. I was able to at least choose the most interesting stuff, so think of it as me cutting your steak for you. You’re welcome. Here's George:

Hey, this is Einstein. He’s part cocker spaniel. I found him online, called the shelter and told the woman I really liked him, and she said, “Well, we don’t know if Einstein will like you. We’ll bring him to your house, but if he doesn’t like you, he can’t stay.” When she pulled into my driveway with him, I started to panic that Einstein wasn’t going to like me, so I ran into my kitchen and rubbed turkey meatballs all over my shoes. The second the woman opened the door, Einstein threw himself at my feet and she said, “I’ve never seen him react like that, ever!” and left him with me on the spot. Now he follows me everywhere, thinking of me as the guy with meatball feet.

Here’s the thing: we used to lead the world in making things. But we don’t make anything anymore. I miss that. But Hollywood still makes things. We still export a couple billion dollars’ worth of original, new product overseas – big time with big money.

Somebody asked me, “How can you relate to being a father?” Well, I’m not running for president, but I played that role in The Ides of March. I wasn’t an actual lawyer when I did Michael Clayton, and I don’t fire people for a living like I did in Up in the Air. It’s a job. Acting is playing pretend. There are method actors that are really wonderful. I don’t bash anyone’s way of working because the results are all that matters. But for me, I don’t have to do heroin to play a heroin addict.

I have a real interest in pushing the limits of things that studios don’t want to make, because I can. I won’t be able to at some point in the near future, but right now while I can I want to do it. So when you’re 80 years old and they ask you what you did, you can say, “When I had the keys to the car, I drove it as fast as I could and as hard as I could. I took it to places the owner didn’t really want me to take it.” I understand that at some point they’re going to repossess the car. I don’t mind that. I just want to be able to say we gave it a shot when we had the time.

There are ten of us, and we’ve been best friends for thirty years. I remember when Richard Kind’s dad suddenly died, Richard was very grown up about it, leaving me a message: “My dad died, I’m in Chicago, the funeral’s going to be in New Jersey tomorrow. I’ll talk to you when I get back.” It was 5 o’clock in LA, so I called up the guys and said, “We should be there.” They were all around the country, so I got a jet and we spent the whole night flying to San Diego, Denver… We landed in Trenton, New Jersey. We got to the synagogue, and Richard, who didn’t have any idea we were going to be there, got up to speak and saw his nine best friends sitting in the back row. We all understood there are moments in your life that are passages, like your father dying and making you the man of the family. We knew how important that was at the time.

People forget that I was married. I love that, Will he get married? I don’t talk about it because I don’t think about it. I don’t ever question other peoples’ version of how they live their lives. Everybody has their own version of what they think I am and what they think that is. I’m just living my life and doing the best I can. No matter what I do, I’m somehow upsetting someone in some way or making someone happy. I can only live my life and my version of it.

My Ten Favorite Films Of 2011.

I trust award shows. They tell me how much to care about different dead people.

And today the Oscar nominees were announced, so I’d like to list what I think are the best films of the year. Here are ten I really liked, in order:

1) The Descendants. The best thing about movies is you get to see stuff like a woman cheating on George Clooney for a change.

2) Beginners. If I found out my dad was gay, he’d have a lot of explaining to do about all the short-sleeve dress shirts.

3) 50/50. Seeing as the odds of surviving are even, I’ll take cancer over marriage any day.

4) Limitless. If I had access to 100% of my brain… hey – if I say one more syllable it’s a haiku… poop.

5) The Artist. It’s amazing this film is so good, seeing as on paper, it has everything you hate: no color, no sound, tap dancing and a French dude.

6) Bridesmaids. Guys presume this is a chick flick, but I don’t recall a Traveling Pants chick crapping in the street.

7) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I never saw the Swedish version, but I was totally rooting for an Ikea joke in this one. Done and done.

8) Moneyball. Talk about getting some good wood: this movie combines baseball with my favorite writer, Aaron Sorkin.

9) X-Men: First Class. I’ve always thought a guy (in this case, Michael Fassbender) with a British accent was a bit of a “dandy”, but this is simply one of the best super-hero movies ever made.

10) Midnight in Paris. Regardless of Owen Wilson being 180° from Jewy, this film totally works.