Actor Search I Thank God I’m Not Right For.

From actorsaccess.com:

DAVID SPADE SHIRTLESS BODY DOUBLE
Caucasian Male, height 5'6-5'7. We have a wig so you do not have to match hair. Must be physically fit and well-toned, but not huge. Will be shirtless and possible in briefs in scene.

Only 21 Shopping Days.

My everlasting affection can be purchased, for a mere 5500 bucks.

The jersey John Belushi wore while playing for Wheaton Central High School in Illinois is available on eBay.

This is the kind of gift that’ll make me set my alarm clock early so I can go stare at it in the closet. It's gorgeous.

But if you find it too expensive, I understand. You don't have to love me – that’s okay.

A Cautionary Tale.

Most days, scrounging up an idea for my blog is like pulling my dog’s teeth. At 1100 bucks, I don’t know which one of us felt more pain.

Other days, ideas just drop from the heavens, much like the script for Good Will Hunting fell into Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s conjoined laps.

Allegedly.

Today’s story definitely came from above, delivered via a film crew while I was waiting to record Amy Poehler. And it came to them directly from Noah Wyle of “E.R.”

One day, Noah opened a fan letter and found a feather enclosed. As he read the letter, he tickled his face and neck with the feather, enjoying the nice fan’s words.

Then he flipped the page over.

On the other side was a picture of the fan – a guy, with the feather sticking out of his ass.

And, scene.

Slice Of Death.

There's nothing like changing wardrobe seven times in front of a bunch of dead Jews. I suggest you try it.

While taking new headshots in the gorgeous-yet-kinda-creepy locale of Forever Hollywood Cemetery, I came across Mel Blanc’s grave. How lucky was this guy to have a catch-phrase suitable for a headstone?

I’m gonna start working on one for me: "Time for me to peace out."

Nah, I can do better: "I get to see Tupac before you do."

Best one ever is already taken: "I’m coming, Elizabeth!"

I'll the meantime, no dying until my phrase is catchy, so pardon me while I cover myself in bubble wrap.

Thanksgiving – Round Two.

Ah, the power of the written word. It’ll take you places so fancy you’ll find yourself showering and putting on long pants – two acts I normal associate with kicking and screaming.

I met my friend Duncan after he googled his volleyball team and found a post I had written. Turns out Duncan is as outgoing as he is tall (6’4”ish) and invited me to his parent’s annual day-after-Thanksgiving party: The Gobbler.

Their home is in the fanciest part of Santa Monica, and they open it up to over a hundred friends, including a celebrity or two, and keep the food and drinks coming.

In front of the place was a catering truck making not just made-to-order Mexican food, but Mexican food made-to-order by Koreans. I felt like I was a Kennedy.

If this blog is my ticket into the happening soirees about town, pardon me while I get cracking on that entry about Hugh Hefner and his kickass shuffleboard team.

Thanks, D.

Festivus, Part XXXVIII.

The summer between my first and second senior year of college (I hadn’t gotten dining hall burgers or sleeping with my underclassman girlfriend out of my system), my friend Rob and I took a road trip from New York to visit our friend Ted, who was spending a year working in Toronto.

It’s one of my manliest of memories. We spent a few days bringing home steaks from the farmer’s market and grilling them at Ted’s place. We took the ferry out to Toronto Island and played Frisbee golf. We busted balls with the locals at a downtown sports bars. We watched our Yankees play the Blue Jays at SkyDome, then drove to Detroit to see a Tigers game. That's Detroit – murder capital of the Midwest.

So I have a special fondness for Toronto, and it came back fully when I found out the city’s Moving Image Film Festival was the 38th fest to accept my film. Who wants a 5% alcohol-by-volume beer?

One last manly memory: I even got a speeding ticket doing 90 in a 65 heading up to Toronto. Though, on second thought, that wasn’t so manly because I was driving my mom’s Volvo. Boxy, but lame.

Actor Search For A Film I Would Pay To See Even If I Didn’t Get The Role.

From LACasting.com:

MURDER VICTIM

Featured Male or Female / 18 to 48 / All Ethnicities There are a lot of people murdered in this movie. Some of them will speak one or two lines some of them will not.