Friday, August 16, 2019

Make It Stop.

The only people on this planet worse than ISIS are the ones in jury pools who are IN A JURY POOL but don’t know THEY’RE IN A JURY POOL.

The judge told us the case would be in deliberations today, finishing up, but instead, they’re still choosing a jury, because the potential jurors can’t answer simple yes or no questions without long pauses and even longer answers.

It’s like being at the mercy of the slowest passengers getting off a plane, only worse. People who won’t take trains because they’re a couple of hours slower than planes need to meet the people who take planes.

Maybe I’ll spice things up today by reading this blog entry out loud in court so I can get held in contempt. Jury of your “peers.” Right.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

It’s Like I’m In Some Sort Of Prison.

Myth busted on my first day in court: NO jester.

Yes, I said first day, because I have to go back today. It’s looking slightly in my favor that I won’t have to actually serve, as I’m still watching from the gallery as voir dire is being conducted.

It’s quite the comedown, going from my favorite place – a movie set – to the place where hope goes to die. Courthouses are depressing. Like crucifixion art.

Speaking of which, pray for me.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Oh For F’s Sake.

Jury duty is like a party you really don’t want to go to. You know showing up is the right thing to do, but you really hope there’s a murder to make it all worthwhile.

I’ve been on call this week for jury duty, and made it through the first two days unscathed. Unfortunately, I have to report today. I have much better things to do than try every excuse in the book to get out of being pulled into a trial. That said, I think my game plan will be to appear “too” happy to serve. “I hate criminals, and I’m SO proud to be able to do my civic duty and put one of them away for good.” Wish me luck.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Oh Yes.

If you see me running and there's no ice cream truck in front of me, trust me – you’d better start running, too.

I can really put it away. So imagine how gloriously my head exploded when I found out the last three days of the shoot would be on location at an ice cream shop. With full access to the ice cream.

Don’t let the above taped-down coolers fool you. “NO” was just meant to ward off the child extras from reaching in while we shot.

Once you get me started... I even ate the prop sundae.

The location was Handel’s in Northridge. A very popular, Ohio-based family business featuring 55 flavors. But it ain’t all wholesome – behind that trash can underneath the register is a baseball bat. Challenge accepted.

Monday, August 12, 2019

I’m In Her Movie.

Kevin Hart is in so many films, I’m surprised he didn’t just wander onto our set and say, “I’m in this now.”

Instead, I got to work with a much cuter co-star: Kylee Levien. She’s 10, and my new buddy. She’s not just a super-talented actress, but an expert when it comes to creating rubber-band bracelets for the entire cast and crew.

She made mine right before I nailed my favorite scene of the movie, so I consider it good luck and have not taken it off since. 16 days so far. Top that, Kevin Hart.

Friday, August 9, 2019

31 Seconds Of July.

Kraft recalled 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs. I recall 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs, too. That was one helluva July.

Here’s my latest July, one second per day:

Thursday, August 8, 2019


We finished shooting the movie late last night, and I’m really bummed it’s over. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I have dozens more posts about it coming up, but in the meantime, I’ll use my go-to quote, courtesy of Dr. Seuss: “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”