Friday, October 31, 2014

And A Very Happy Amateur Night.

This card is actually from last Halloween. Some of the costumes, like “Orange is the New Black,” are still relevant. Others, not so much. Even Robin Thicke himself would now be asked, “And who are you supposed to be?”

Either way, everyone have a kickass time. As I’m obligated to repeat: please don’t try to break into my apartment. 

And if you still need a current costume, sexy ebola nurse oughta suffice:

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I carved my pumpkin into a smaller, worse pumpkin.

• If a vegan does CrossFit, which do they talk about first?

• One time, a woman posed without a fake mustache, and she was thrown off of Facebook. I wouldn’t risk it.

• I wonder how many times Chris Brown has been told to wait in the car.

• I told my niece, “Let’s play who can stop talking forever. Please win.”

• Sure, I had a black eye, but you should have seen the other guy. He was huge and really good at punching.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Seventh Great Movie Of The Year.

If I could choose one super power, it would be to unsee the super hero movie Steel.

Shaquille O’Neal shooting a free throw with a grenade. I threw up in my mouth just typing that.

But if you want to see a great sorta-super hero movie, the new flick Birdman is out and I really liked it. It’s a total testosterone-fest – with really well fleshed-out characters and several terrific performances, along with a very enjoyable technical gimmick.

The film is essentially about a washed-up Hollywood actor (perfectly casted Michael Keaton) who’s trying to revive his career by directing and starring in a Broadway play. It’s really interesting to see the levels of acting that take place within the film — the difference between movie acting and stage acting. That’s one of many good layers within this film, which is incredibly worth seeing.

Michael Keaton will get an Oscar nomination. It’s really good. See it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Two For Two.

It’s official. My nephew is becoming a character from “True Detective.”

I kinda had something to do with it, after drilling him in the mouth with a baseball on Sunday. He took it pretty damn well.

The same can be said for his sister, who you might recall lost a tooth during a tickle fight with me:
I’m considering making a necklace out of them. Mainly to remind those kids who’s boss.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Allow Myself To Introduce Myself.

I can tell how productive my day was by how much battery my cell phone has left when it’s over.

And today is kicking off incredibly fruitful, as I’m being interviewed at 7 a.m. for a podcast. The topic is my blog, and I do love to riff about it.

I’ll post when the show is available, but in the meantime, just imagine me, tripping over my own tongue this early as I botch a Q&A, and you’ll have an inkling.

Saturday, October 25, 2014


Stop watching reality shows. Just stop. They’re not real. Everything is cooked. But don’t ask me – ask the scout from “Finding Giants,” the NFL Network show. Right after he finishes his pretend call with his phone upside-down.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Early And Often.

With Clay Aiken running for congress, I urge all North Carolinians to vote hilariously.

And here in LA, vote the shit out of Bobby Shriver, who placed the ad in the LA Times this week, about bringing more filming back to LA. He’s one more Kennedy who gets it, and I like it.