Friday, September 4, 2015

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Get to Know São Paulo From The Safety Of The Internet.

The weather here is incredibly similar to LA (right down to a massive drought), but it’s winter right now. Yesterday was so frigid, I desperately needed an afghan.

It’s quaint here. Take these shoe shiners, for example, who I’d like to believe live in this box and never leave.

The architecture here is eclectic as hell, including what appears to be a giant monument to Jenga.

The overall look of the city is very pre-Guiliani New York. By that, I mean they’ll tag anything that can’t move.

Impressively, too. Graffiti in the most unreachable places. Much respect, punks.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

São Paulo. Come For The View – Stay For The Kidnapping.

This is what I see from my shower every morning. Boneriffic.

Assigned to us is a badass security detail, which moves us around town in a bulletproof vehicle with bulletproof glass, and a second car following us. A dangerously cool requirement when visiting Brazil with an American accent.

On the left: my friend Rob and I, who were walking with our friend Chris. Out of frame: our security guys: a huge MMA fighter, a detective who tucked the biggest Glock I’ve ever seen into his pants yesterday, and a Brazilian Special Forces guy who’s an expert shot. I kinda want some bad dudes to come after us, just to watch them get put down.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

It’s The Only Way To Fly.

On a shoot like this, with a cumulative flight-time of 65 hours, the key is comfort. Business and first class whenever possible. Above, flying from Shanghai to Sao Paolo (via Dubai), my friend Rob and I toast “to evil.”

Talk about a caste system: the flight from Mumbai to Dubai was on an Emirates A380, featuring two levels of seating and separate jetways for first/business class and economy.

The UAE first class lounge in Dubai runs the entire length of the massive airport, including an all-inclusive five-star restaurant. Let coach eat bread crusts.

For the first time since I can remember, there were empty seats on a flight. So we had the flight attendant prepare our beds (complete with mattresses) on separate seats so we could retreat to our quarters.

Constellations on the ceiling. Next time I’m packing my footsie-pajamas.

Monday, August 31, 2015

What I’ll Miss.

Now that I’ve moved on to São Paolo, a shout-out to everyone who made Mumbai phenomenal. Like these two, who let me interrupt their lunch downtown to take a groupie.

And their stray buddy.

My hotel butler, Adrian. I’ll miss you most of all.

Laundry service that apologizes after I was the one who put my sleeve in my lunch.

These knuckleheads, who made like Statler and Waldorf from “The Muppet Show” by heckling me in Hindi while we filmed in one of the oldest cafés in the city.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Temporary Lovin.

I’m not like other people who say they love dogs more than people. I love dogs more than anything.

So when one wandered over to me while we were shooting yesterday, I gave him a little scratch on his neck, and then he didn’t leave my side for a while. I do miss Ricky, so the stray served as a good surrogate.

Last full day in India is today, then on to Sao Paolo. I’ve given up on keeping track of time zones at this point, so either have a good weekend, or I hope you had a good weekend. Or Tuesday. You catch my drift.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

It’s Good To Be The Emperor.

I just want to be rich enough to add bacon without asking how much more it costs. Helping me become accustomed to this tax bracket: the swanky Taj Mahal Hotel in Mumbai.

In the hotel’s Lebanese restaurant Souk, master chef Simoun Chakour made the best meal of our trip thus far, and then stopped by our table to pull a Jedi mind-trick with an apple and a ginsu.

After our meal, Simoun walked us through the kitchen to the semi-secret two-person dining room. Grab your best gal and never sup with the riffraff again.

Because our luggage has still not yet arrived, I took advantage of the hotel laundry to wash my t-shirt and skivvies. There were delivered by my butler in a leather box. He’s good people, that Adrian.

Individually-wrapped socks just became the norm back at Inside the Actor’s Studio Apartment HQ.

I returned from high tea to find a vulture, perched outside my window, looking to turn a pigeon into high tea.