Friday, June 23, 2017

Shevin Boys At The Ballgame.

Lesson I bequeathed to my nephew last night: saying “we won” after watching a sporting event is like saying “we played really well” after watching a concert.

Especially if the losing team is your Dad’s Mets. You’re welcome.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Too Bad It’s Perma-frizzlefrazzle.

My dad wrote my name with a Sharpie on his arm every morning instead of getting a tattoo, just in case I ended up being a disappointment.

Good foresight, Dad. Somewhat related, I received this email the other day:
Hi Matt,
I’m a writer for Newsweek. I’m working on a story where I interview people who have tattoos of Bill Cosby, in light of his criminal trial. I did some googling and randomly landed on an old blog post of yours. 
Do you actually have a Bill Cosby tattoo or was that a joke? 
Zach Schonfeld
I let him know that unfortunately, it was a joke. To Zach’s credit, he replied:
Hey Matt, 
Would you be interested in getting a Bill Cosby tattoo so I can profile you for my story? 
(Just kidding. Thanks for the quick reply.) 
Good man. Here’s his story:

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


Daniel Day-Lewis announced he was retiring from acting yesterday. Then again, maybe it’s just part of his preparation to play a guy who is not a professional actor.

I fully get why he’d call it quits – it’s the same reason why he’s selective about his films. He’s either out or WAY in. He’ll spend six to 12 months in super method preparation, and it’s a bitch. He learned to speak Czech for The Unbearable Lightness of Being, channeled rage for Gangs of New York and confined himself to a wheelchair for his role in My Left Foot. I’m not sure if this is entirely accurate, but Daniel is so method, that for the role of Abraham Lincoln he spent ten months on the side of a penny.

As a huge fan, I’m bummed he’s walking away, but on the other hand, didn’t he do this once before? He moved to Italy and became a shoemaker for like five years. He’ll be back.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017


Batman had the bat signal. But if you need to get my attention, hold a chicken parm sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.

In a nice display of showbiz respect the other night, Los Angeles projected the bat signal on city hall in honor of Adam West, who passed away last week.

This is the kind of stuff that makes LA unique and cool and inspiring. We don’t have your regular history here – no presidential monuments or architectural expression. We create ways to help people escape, or maybe laugh, or experience community. Adam West was a major part of our history, and a class act, and I love that we responded appropriately.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Potty, Dad.

Ricky forgot it was Father’s Day. Again.

He did, of course, remember to wake me early yesterday when it was time to poop and sunbathe. Nothing like opening your eyes to that giant noggin.

It’s been ten years since my dad passed. I do miss the man, but luckily someone else took over raising me and teaching me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

I Can Explain.

Yes, this is a real payphone on Sunset Blvd. How else will people find out where to deliver the ransom money?