Thursday, October 18, 2018

A Particular Set Of Skills.

Until this year, my résumé only had “mad” under “skills”.

But then I taught myself to cook. And to paint. And I was really proud of my new proficiency in each. Then, months passed. I wondered what else I could learn. Yesterday, during a conversation with my friend Ariel, we came upon my next pursuit: I’m going to learn how to edit. I

t makes total sense. It’s a great skill that applies directly to my career, and will give me autonomy and even more control over all my projects. It won’t be easy, but that’s what makes it great.

I’m really glad this is my choice, because I’m starting to think the frog-dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018


Why is it when someone asks if I’ve lost weight I immediately feel like eating a dozen donuts to celebrate?

Especially now that a new Randy’s Donuts opened right up the street from me. The fact that it’s two doors down from Shake Shack is kind of a felony.

Man I get fat really quickly for someone who doesn’t want to.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Tau Epsilon Phi, University Of Maryland, Reunion 2018. Las Vegas.

According to the Sky Mall catalogue on my flight home, all dads are clean-shaven business men that love playing golf and think they’re #1.

That wasn’t my experience this past weekend. Sure, my frat brothers have aged a decade or two, but they haven’t lost a step. Evidence A:
Guys who arrived early made a Costco run, and filled a big hospitality suite available to us all weekend with so much booze and snacks that it was the ultimate pre-game spot.

It doesn’t get much bro-ier than a game of thumper in our cabana – which had waitress service and a daily $1000 minimum on drinks and food.

The smell of bong water always takes me back to the TEΦ house. Nowadays, these east coast boys had their first experience with legalized marijuana, and made Costco-esque runs to dispensaries. Overconsumption of edibles led to some wicked wall-hitting.

Tasting dinner at Tao. Wrangling 37 brothers for a fancy, organized weekend is no easy feat, so the next big reunion won’t be until October, 2021. I don’t even know what I’m doing tonight, but I know exactly where I’ll be in three years.

Monday, October 15, 2018

So Good, I Feel Bad.

I fantasize about my enemies spending their weekends at kids’ birthday parties.

But my good friends – my brothers – I wish they could all spend weekends like the one we just spent together.

I’m too exhausted today so I’ll delve into specifics tomorrow, but I will say this: the true measurement of a phenomenal trip is how bummed you are when it’s over, and I was REALLY bummed, prompting my brother David Krell (a very talented writer) to quote a fellow author:
“Don’t cry because it’s over – smile because it happened.” –Dr. Seuss

Friday, October 12, 2018

My Barely Slept-In Accommodations.

On my flight to Vegas, a guy in front of me had a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro tip: that stripper will never marry you, bro.

It’s been so great here already. My frat brothers are all just really good guys, so I’m having a phenomenal time. I dropped my bags in my room and didn’t come back until an obscenely late hour. Don’t drink and blog.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

I’m Heading Out Of Town.

Every other guy who arrives in Las Vegas: “Strippers and poker!”
Me, arriving in Vegas: “Ooh, there’s a Walgreens AND a CVS next to my hotel.”

Today, I’m flying to Las Vegas to join 36 of my frat brothers for a reunion. While it sounds entirely debaucherous, I always behave. And I kinda have to – imagine if I went from a streak of 7518 days without vomiting to a whole new one of four days.

I’ll of course hit the casino (and have them point me to their finest claw machine), lounge by the pool (thank you, food poisoning, for quickly giving me a passable summer body), and enjoy a nice suite at the Palazzo. (Nice-ish. My pledge-brother Layne is crashing on my couch because he took too long to decide he was joining us.)

I need this. My last attempt at getting out of town consisted of 90 minutes in Philadelphia, after I was notified mid-flight that I booked a role. A great reason to scrub the mission, but still.

Redacted stories and photos when I get back.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Have Heroes.

Elon Musk’s heart is in the right place. How else are we going to get ice cream trucks on the moon? 

Despite his recent turmoil, he really is a good guy. Just ask my friend TJ, who bought a new Model 3 last month. TJ idolizes Elon, and when he saw him outside an event over the weekend, he asked the man if he’d sign his new car. Elon obliged, autographing his frunk.

Speaking of the moon, TJ is now over it. The car is worth more than it was a month ago. And it’s a good lesson for us all: you haven’t really made it until someone recognizes you on the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.