Monday, December 22, 2014

Day 3: My New Little Brother.

It’s been nice meeting Ollie the IV for the first time. (The story behind that here.) To think he spent last Christmas homeless, and this one sleeping on a memory foam mattress. He’s King Shit. I really love him… Saw The Theory of Everything, which is about Stephen Hawking when he was first diagnosed with his disease, and it’s one of the best films of the year. Heavy and tragic… Ran into a high school classmate at CVS and realized: a fun trick for remembering peoples’ names is to never interact with anyone.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Day 2: Does New York Make Me Look Fat?

My favorite food is chicken parm. At Patricia’s in the Bronx, it comes with a side of pasta, and the biggest, loudest, drunkenest table of Italian palookas next to you.

Tartufo means “truffle” in Italian. Bilingual yumminess.

I demolished a wok-ful of lo mein at Water Moon. Like a boss.

Chocolate mousse pyramid with molten caramel. Geometrical yumminess

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Day 1: Insult To Injury.

Getting off the plane I was about to board: James Franco, under heavy security.

Also exiting: Barry Manilow, without security. Barry wins.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Once. Just Once.

I’d like Ricky to look back when I drop him off, instead of being so damn excited to be here. Bad kid.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I’m Outta Here.

NYC: I’m coming there tomorrow. Do you guys need anything?

Yep, I’m going to visit my mom, and have 12 days of nonstop eating, not thinking about acting, and never pleasant weather.

I’m taking the blog with me, so log on for the play by play. It’s always interesting in the most overrated city in the world. See you there.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The First Great Documentary Of Next Year.

In 1980, the US hockey team, made up of amateur and collegiate players, beat the Soviet Union national team, professionals who had won the gold medal in six of the seven previous Olympic games. Which begs the question: did somebody shine a laser pointer at the Russians during the game?

That was the only stone left unturned in a great new documentary that premieres next month called Red Army. My friend John Kapelos invited me to a special screening followed by a Q&A, and it was fascinating.

The film focuses on the other side of the Miracle on Ice: the Russian team, in particular defenseman Slava Fetisov. And it does what any great documentary sets out to achieve: change minds. To me, the Russians were always the evil dudes with the unfair advantage; but now I have empathy for them. They grew up in 400 square foot apartments crammed with two other families, and then, when they grew up and made the Olympic team, they were forced to live in barracks for 11 months while an animal of a head coach made them practice every day until they pissed blood. Some crazy shit.

It’s in theaters January 23rd. You don’t need to be a sports fan to love it. But trust me, you’ll love it.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• Have you ever gone back to using your old smartphone? It’s like one of those painful last stands in romances – the goodbye lunch – when you both know you’ve moved on.

• One of my friend’s office fantasies involves a coworker walking by his desk while he’s actually working.

• What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky. Just kidding... drugs. She ate drugs.

• May I never, ever send a screenshot of a conversation to the person whose conversation I just took a screenshot of, amen.

• I’m tired of things costing money.

• Women prefer guys who are polite, but also in charge. Which is why, after I open the car door, I always push their heads down “perp style.”