Friday, September 30, 2016

It Got Ugly.

Hell is probably just hundreds of tourists trying to take pictures while you try to walk down Hollywood Blvd.

 I was luckily perched above these knuckleheads on Wednesday, working from the building across from Grauman’s Chinese Theatre during the premiere of “Westworld”. It’s a new HBO show based on the 70s film about a futuristic theme park that creates expensive, old-western fantasies for customers. (Like fighting to the death.)

Every HBO show must be given a shot, and “Westworld” looks to be one of the most violent of them all. I read that it serves up no end of distressing moments in which characters are terrorized, assaulted or murdered. You had me at assaulted.

Fittingly, it started raining for the first time since May, just as the cast (some stellar names, including Anthony Hopkins and Ed Harris) showed up. The rain only lasted ten minutes, but it was one of those really trippy showers, in which it rained on only one side of the street. Well-played, God.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Weekend In Kansas City, Part III: Glorious Food.

Seven guys who love to eat visit the barbecue capital of the Midwest? I hope you’ve got your passport, because you’re about to leave the matrix.

First meal: Joe’s Barbecue. Above is the heart-stopping Hogomaniac. Most guys keep a condom in their wallet in case they get lucky. I keep a wet-nap.

14 hours later, and we started to get the shakes, so we stopped by LC’s on our way to the game.

LC’s ribs and burnt ends were outstanding. Though for Jews, the white bread felt like a hate crime.

Post-game dinner at Stroud’s. I don't really care which came first – the chicken or the egg. I’m just glad somebody decided both could be broken and fried.

The knockout punch: cinnamon rolls at Stroud’s. Sweet, yeasty goodness. (“Yeasty” is the best word. Use it three times and it’s yours.)

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Weekend In Kansas City, Part II: The City.

The bathrooms in the Kansas City Airport double as tornado shelters, so you can literally experience a shit-storm.

Within walking distance of our hotel was a cool part of town called Westport. Steeped in Civil War history (they call it the “Gettysberg of the West”), all of the original brick buildings have become great hangouts. Harry’s Bar and Tables, above, has a treehouse-like outdoor pub during warm-weather months. All of this was unexpected to us NY/LA guys, who presumed this town would be as boring as marriage.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not a fully-hip city, as evidenced by the blue water in this fountain, a tribute to the Royals’ World Series championship. A trashy new-money move.

Someone asked me after my trip if I spent any time at Camarohead. Thinking it was a bar in KC, I said no. Then I looked it up, and it turns out “Camarohead” is a common nickname for Arrowhead Stadium, due to its abundance of uneducated, mullet-sporting fans. Most of these fans were harmless, but I noticed after the game that someone had spit all over the side of our SUV because we were Jets fans. Really courageous move not doing it in front of us, ace.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Weekend In Kansas City, Part I: The Flight.

I used to think “baller” was just short for “ballerina”, until I met my friend Marc, who has flown so many miles on American (4 million) that he has his name painted on a plane. Flying with him meant we all got to check in through a batcave-type concierge, with a total fuss made over us. We cut every TSA line and didn’t have to lift our own bags onto the x-ray conveyor-belt. Just 3,982,000 miles more and this is mine.

Only smaller aircraft fly to KC from LA, and you need to take a bus shuttle to get to a separate terminal to board. Unless you’re flying with 4-Million-Mile Marc, and you get whisked Secret-Service style on the actual runway. My life is entirely downhill from this moment.

The party’s over for the all you scammers bringing your “therapy” dogs on planes, but in the meantime, this guy was so cute! He had his own seat! When his owner booked his flight, what middle initial did he use for the dog? And did he choose “Mr.” as his title? I would have gone with “Dr.” Dr. Dog.

This 11-week-old was being flown to her new home in Nebraska. Click to see how she handled her first plane flight.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Actually, Let’s Never Speak Of It Again.

It did not go well for my Jets yesterday, here in Kansas City. Apparently their game plan was “blender without the lid on”.

But besides this fiasco, the weekend was phenomenal, with lots of fun with very good guys and super yummy food. Kansas City is a surprisingly cool city, filled with good-looking people hanging out in very fun hotspots.

Much more about it tomorrow. I’m flying back to LA today – on a jet that hopefully fares a smidge better.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Here We Come.

It’s strange that I drive an SUV, because I can’t even think of six people I’d want to be stuck in a vehicle with.

And yet I will be traveling with six guys to see the Jets play in Kansas City this weekend. In trying to recapture the success of our trip to Wisconsin two years ago, I re-nominated myself food director, and armed with a fistful of beta-blockers, I will lead my friends to the fattiest fare KC has to offer.

Nothing can rain on our parade, except the three straight days of rain in the forecast, including a thunderstorm on game day. At least ponchos are slimming.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Putting SPF Under My “Special Skills”.

Still hanging in a window in Culver city, my old headshot has staying power. Debra Sullivan’s… not so much.