The First Great Movie Of 2012.

Sure, it took Hollywood almost half a year to release a film truly worth seeing, but I’m okay with that. It’s good to have stuff to look forward to all summer and fall, and studios should pace themselves with their movies. They can’t splooge them on us all at once.  

The Avengers is cool as shit. Most of all, Robert Downey, Jr. is hilarious, and you look forward to seeing him every time he shows up. But really the entire movie is funny, and that makes it a truly original superhero film with a personality all its own. It’s awesome to have so many stars together. (I wondered how they were able to afford all the names, but the film already made its money back in Europe before earning $200 million in one weekend here in the US. I think they’re gonna be okay salary-wise.)

Make sure you stay until the very end after all the credits have rolled for one last priceless scene. They really went all out to entertain from start to finish – the whole mikveh, if you will.

It’s great to see something live up to its hype, right? See it.

Weekend Recap.

I can’t say I feel Ricky’s pain, but I come close every time he bangs the edge of the cone he’s wearing into my shins and Achilles… I was all set to post this link to a hilarious bash on the Chicago Bulls’ Derrick Rose nuking his knee, but then my guy Mariano Rivera did his. Not so funny now, huh jerkoff?... A bunch of us celebrated my friend Bru’s birthday at Mezzo in Studio City, who serves the best lasagna in the country. Eating it feels like my heart is trying to hug my brain… It was also my niece’s birthday, and my brother and his wife may have spent ten times more money than expected on her party, but at least she didn't appreciate it.

Resting Comfortably.

The true test of a man is how he handles adversity. Even if he’s no longer technically a man.

The surgery was a success (depending on your point of view), all but for a classic case of insult to injury: this XXXL cone that Ricky has to wear for ten days.

I have complete faith he’ll power through.

A Moment Of Silence. Actually, Make That Two.

Yesterday, Ricky took his nuts out for one last stroll at the beach. Today, they get tossed aside like so much garbage.

They were a mere five months old, but by the time you read this, Ricky will be under the knife getting fixed, and his nuts are like Magellan – they’re history.

On behalf of Rick and his loss, I ask the media to please respect his privacy during this very trying time.

This Week In @mattshevin Tweets.

• (ABOVE): This has gotta be the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

• The NFL draft picks’ wardrobes make me want to go back in time and rethink my bar mitzvah suit.

• To all you folks on the cruise that traced Titanic’s route and held a memorial over the wreck: the wrong boat sunk.

• Smirnoff has a new whipped-cream flavored vodka, which is perfect – if the drinking age is 11.

• My niece’s birthday party is coming at the perfect time. I had just finished eating all of her Easter candy.

•  Looks like my eulogy is going to contain the words “chicken” and “waffles.”

Be On Alert, Studio City.

There’s a bobcat on the loose, and he’s got a pretty nifty headshot.

My Hate Mail.

When you post over 1300 blog entries, you’re bound to offend people now and then. Sometimes so much they feel compelled to take out their frustrations with an angrily-penned note. But hey – we all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.

After I bragged about committing dietary blasphemy on a religious holiday, a reader checked in with this air-tight logic:

“I gotta be honest with you. I saw your blog post about eating a sandwich the second night of Passover and I found it extremely offensive. I’m all for people having their own religious beliefs, and if they follow Judaism or not, that’s their choice. But to publicly display that and say ‘you could give two shits about your religion’ is an insult to all the people who have fought, struggled, and even lost their lives through persecution to keep those traditions alive. Posting a f*ck you to Passover is really not cool.” 

Ouch, babe. I’d taken a knee, but planned on rising back up until this next ray of sunshine gave me career counseling when I tore “Shrek the Musical a new one:

“If you ever want to be an actual actor, then I suspect you’d want throngs of people seeing your work, people from all walks of life. If you’re ever on Broadway, that means tourists. If you’re ever in a movie, or on television, that would mean swaths of people from the middle of the country. If you want to limit your audience solely to the cultured intelligencia of New York and LA, then have fun living in obscurity, ya snob.” 

Zing. Meanwhile, a loyal friend of a dude I chastised for showing up to an audition in costume taught me a lesson in being polite:

“Not sure why you are so bitter Matt. From your IMDb and your demo reel it looks like you’ve booked some work. The acting colleague that you singled out here happens to have booked several spots last year. I’ve personally met him and he’s a super nice guy. I’m wondering if any of these people you've singled out if you've then worked with them on set. I can only imagine that after calling someone a ‘douchebag’ it might be kind of difficult to create good repore and buddy chemistry. Here this douchebag is wearing a lab coat...it’s not like he's in there with a clip board, file holder, and stethoscope. It suggested the role. No biggie. Would love to see you posting more positive pics and commentary. Surely with your creativity ITASA could boom with tips and not teardowns. I believe your negativity is what’s keeping you in a studio apartment rather than in a mansion.
Best, 
Lisa R.”

There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this group hug with the folks that make me want to be a better man. If not, you know how to reach me.