Help Me Pick Out My New Swimsuit.

My nephew’s strongest event at swim meets is announcing within earshot of his opponents that he thinks he just pooped a little in his swimsuit.

Needless to say he’ll never borrow mine. Especially the one I’m about to buy. Orlebar Brown now lets you design your own swim trunks using your favorite photos. Options below.

Me, in a bathing suit, on a bathing suit. Very meta.

The Antithesis. Me furiously shoveling snow in New York. A perfect reminder of hell while on a sunny LA beach.

Me, nine months old. That way, if cold water causes shrinkage, I’ll still appear comparatively larger.

Or, I go with an even tinier peep: Ricky, six weeks old.