Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I dread doing laundry as if I didn’t have a machine that washes the clothes for me and another that dries them for me, as I do nothing.

• The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.

• When I say “lol”, there’s a 0% chance that I’m laughing out loud.

• A 20-minute wait in line at Ralph’s is the longest hour and a half of your life.

• So you haven’t achieved much financially. Big deal. The important thing is you’re not happy.