All men except me, ladies. I’m a lover. And for you, I present my annual list of ten things I think you should know about men:
- The best way to prove to an ex that you don’t think about him anymore is not by writing and producing a song saying so.
- Belly piercings are a dynamite way to let everyone know you hate your dad.
- Dudes who make a habit of saying “bros before hoes” usually have neither.
- Whenever I hear an uninteresting 80-year-old woman tell an uninteresting story, I think, “Wow, she must have been really hot.”
- To save time, break up with John Mayer without ever dating him.
- When a guy tells another guy he got engaged, it leads to, at most, 30 seconds of conversation.
- Don’t worry if you haven’t gotten that diamond you were hoping for today – it’s still in a Sierra Leonean’s butt.
- Ink is way sexy to us, but keep in mind: one day nursing homes will be full of former hotties trying to remember what their tattoos mean.
- The man you have a crush on will either like you or not, but never knowing will haunt you forever.
- You can’t ruin a friendship with sex – that’s like ruining ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
