Just once I would like the guys in Stone Temple Pilots to call me up and say “Hey, Matt – will you be in Stone Temple Pilots?”Crazy, right? And yet my drum kit’s in my bedroom – not in storage.
And I hope nothing is holding you back from moving here to pursue acting, especially the belief that only prom kings or prom queens can make it. Because whatever shape, color or absurdity you come in, you can work like crazy in Hollywood.
If you think there’s no room for minorities, just check out any car commercial. Thanks to serious political correctness, you’ll find riding in every vehicle: a caucasian, a latino, an asian and a non-threatening black guy. In fact, an Asian actor recently gushed to me, “They let us drive now!”
My friend Ben is a big fat dude living in Texas, and I’ve been wanting him to come out here for a while. He’d work constantly – as the funny co-worker in just about any commercial, or the blue-collar buddy on a “King of Queens” type show. Hey – didn’t “Lost” star a great, big man? Yep. Was Zach Galifianakis his high school’s prom king? Nope.
And the guy who best proves my theory is Peter Dinklage, pictured above. The first time I saw him in The Station Agent, I thought he was a phenomenal actor, but wondered how limited he was as a dwarf. Of course, he soon landed a role in Elf, but then he amazingly carved himself out a career, appearing in 50 TV shows and movies, along with several Broadway plays. Right now he’s starring on everyone’s new favorite HBO show: “Game of Thrones.” Peter has writers creating roles for him. How many people must have told him he’d never make it as an actor? Everyone except himself.
As for me, I can’t wait ‘til I’m 90 years old. I’ll corner the market on crotchety: grandfathers, judges, Republicans. The farmer in a nightshirt with a lantern and a shotgun who tells teenagers to “get away from my chickens!”
Acting is the Volvo station wagon of careers – there’s always room for one more. Get your fat, brown butt out here.
