This Week In @mattshevin Tweets.

Featuring a theme:

• Sometimes I weigh myself before and after I pee. #TheRealBachelor
• Occasionally I wear dress socks around the house, foreign exchange student-style. #TheRealBachelor
• Most of my neighbors have seen me naked. #TheRealBachelor
• Underneath my fancy couch cover is the DNA of a Pennsylvania frat house. #TheRealBachelor
• The broken clock on my oven has been right twice a day – since the Johnson administration. #TheRealBachelor
• Should I die, my friend Jenn has been instructed to burn all the embarrassing shit in my armoire. #TheRealBachelor
• In a pinch, swim trunks are a nifty replacement for underwear. #TheRealBachelor
• I’ve peed in my kitchen sink. #TheRealBachelor