I love actors. They’re talented and smart and supportive. They put themselves out there daily, with rare success. To rag on them feels like berating preschoolers for poor spelling. Usually.As I sat in a crowded waiting room for a recent callback for a commercial, an actress strolled in. She and an actor recognized each other from a previous commercial audition, then realized they'd both booked that job and would be playing husband and wife.
“Let’s book this one too!,” she said. “We should play husband and wife a bunch!” she said. In front of me. Another actor. A guy who loves fellow actors. Usually.
It was time to play the feud.
My turn came up, and I went into the audition room fresh off this bitch’s inadvertent challenge. The commercial called for me to be perky and funny, and I did my job. And the next day, my agent called, and told me I got the role. It was the Mr. Coffee commercial, and the agent’s call was only a formality – that shit was mine the second that dopey broad ran her mouth.
When I drive across town to an audition, I’m there to get paid. If you ever see me in a waiting room, forgive me if I keep the small talk short, as I’m locked in, focusing. And don’t ever, ever talk about taking a job away from me, even if it’s just out of excitement, because you’re only poking the bear.
Hey actress: the Mr. Coffee shoot was amazing and fun and the money is great. And I told the woman who got the role of my wife instead of you about what you said, and she high-fived me. Thanks for dropping by.
