What’s that movie where the terrorists want Bruce Willis to die but he’s making it very hard? Now I’ll never get to sleep.
Moving on. The only thing better than seeing a classic action flick is emulating one. This came to mind lately because an actress friend of mine, who's on the verge of taking on a 9 to 5 day-job, is worried about missing out on auditions.
She’s in luck, because just yesterday, while working on a writing assignment (I can’t divulge quite yet) I had to escape from an office in Santa Monica to get to a callback.
I now present “Sneaking Out in Six Easy Steps”:
Keep the car running. Or at least at a meter within steps of your office. And watch the clock. The LA mayor’s got an expensive coke-whore habit and relies on your $55 parking ticket to fund it.
Keep your pants on. Ever wonder where the long t-shirt, swim trunk and Teva look went? The place where I’m working. But I needed to be in a suit for the callback, so I went fancy slacks with a casual shirt inside the office, and kept the dress shirt, coat and tie in my car.
Give ‘em an eyeful. I went with the foolproof “I tore a contact lens today but my eye doctor can quickly fit me in this morning, and he’s close by” bit. I went method on it too, wearing only one lens and risking hurling my Cheerios until I could even things out in the bathroom on my way out of there.
Don’t be bashful. Be prepared to flash the unmentionables while changing shirts on Wilshire Blvd.
Hello, Clark Kent. Nattily clad and ready to just crush it.
Home free. I changed, drove, auditioned, drove back and changed again. Time elapsed: 45 minutes.
Bing, bang, boom in six easy steps. I won’t recommend step 7: blogging about it, seeing as you could get royally screwed if certain people stumble upon it.
And yet I wrote about it anyway. I regret nothing.