Top This Tonight, Kids.

Actual pregnant woman that habit.

Antithesis.

Idea: a fake ID that says you’re only 14 so you can get cheaper buffets.

That said, on Friday I was treated to weekend yummy burgers catered by the Big Wave Grill food truck.

I think my weekend was a tad better than others’.  My friend Diana was up in San Francisco for a wedding. Here’s our text conversation:

ME: How was it? 

DIANA: It was really good! Until… toward the end of the night, the newlyweds tried to pull off the dirty dance move, in which the chick is lifted up into the air. The bride weighs nothing and acting like she was an NBA player and flew over her husband, who’s about 6’, tumbled over his arms, fell on her tailbone and then her forearm. Poor thing looked like she had a golf ball sticking out of her head. 

I checked in on the bride’s condition this morning:

DIANA: She’s still in the hospital as they learned she fractured her back. 

 It’s the day every little girl dreams about.

We Interrupt This Moment Of Bliss.

Me, before I meditate: “I just wanna kill someone…”

Me, after I meditate: “…and I know EXACTLY how.”

That was me, weeks ago. But now that I’ve meditated for 40 days straight, everything’s changed.

For real. I downloaded the app Headspace, and I swear by it. I’m calmer, more focused. Stress is temporary. I have an entirely new relationship with anything uncomfortable.

I’ve reached a point in which I have to meditate behind closed doors, because Ricky started wanting in on the action. There he was, every morning, head and paw in my lap. Dogs can sense love. While I appreciate it, I had to relocate.

Download Headspace. It’ll change your life. At the very least, you’ll take 10 minutes a day for you – no phone, no Internet, no TV. At its best, you actually can change the neural transmitters in your brain. I am, right now. Join me.

He’ll Be Missed.

I need professional help. I think a butler should do it.

A butler with the sass and charm of Robert Guillaume on “Soap”. Tough to find these days, after Robert passed on Tuesday. He had a really great career.

Robert won two Emmys and a Grammy, and was nominated for a Tony. He voiced a character in The Lion King. But my favorite role of all was Isaac Jaffe on the TV show “Sports Night”.

Isaac was the executive producer of an ESPN-type sports channel. Early in the show’s first season, one of his new employees had a breakdown and was hospitalized after being asked to produce an episode of a hunting show. Robert really came through on a great monologue:

 

Warm, Much?

Stop trying to get me to fight global warming. I’ll believe it when the remaining 3% of scientists are on board.

Sure, it was 114° in Newport Beach yesterday, the hottest day in ten years here. And it was late October – that time of year when I have zero excuse for being so sweaty. Still not convinced.

But then, disaster struck:

At 8 p.m., a transformer on my street blew up and caught on fire, which knocked out our power, and I couldn’t use fans or AC. I was now so sweaty, it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.

It took a crew most of the night to repair, so I’m operating on about two hours of sleep. Oh, and I was always 100% on board with global warming. But today, if you question it, I will punch you in the throat.

They’re A Little Stringy.

Lesson Of The Weekend.

No matter where you sit, stand or lay, a dog will manage to step on your nuts.