Tuesday, February 14, 2017

A Valentine’s Gift To All My Ladies.

If we’re supposed to have sex with our valentines on Valentine’s Day, I am totally avoiding Presidents’ Day.

As is tradition, every Valentine’s Day I let women take a gander into the minds of men, with ten things we guys are thinking:
  1. WOMAN: I do not want to have sex with you. MAN: Women are so mysterious. 
  2. If you have a crush on a guy, try spending time with him, and you’ll usually get over it. 
  3. Date a Patriots fan, because he won’t mind if you cheat. 
  4. It’s simple – just try to meet a nice boy who has never considered becoming a DJ. 
  5. New sexual fantasy: I take your hand, lead you to the bed, and whisper, “I want you to nap for as long as you like.” 
  6. The size of a woman’s bag is directly proportional to how crazy she is. 
  7. Baby, if we could write a Yelp review of your face: “Good, quality face. Would look again.” 
  8. Don’t cry because it’s over– smile, because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies. 
  9. Your biggest challenge in the relationship: proving to be more interesting than our smartphones.
  10. Winning a fight with your boyfriend is like winning a vacation to Detroit. Don’t get too excited.

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