But you’re not my demo. I’m here to enlighten the single women, with my annual Valentine’s Day gift: ten things that’ll help you better understand us guys.
- Ladies, I know you want to make it special tonight, but be careful – glitter is really hard to get out of your vagina.
- A soul patch is a “check engine” light for dudes.
- Your friend didn’t find her soulmate. She just found someone geographically accessible who also puts chips on his sandwich.
- The maximum number of pillows on a bed should be six to ten.
- When a girl begins a sentence with “honestly,” we buckle up for the bitch ride of our lives.
- Sorry you can’t go on a date with us because you’re still angry about this different guy who lied to you once.
- “How To Win Him Back In 10 Easy Steps!” Steps 1-10: don’t.
- Only your girlfriends like your bangs.
- Don’t listen to anything your ex-boyfriend says. He is always wrong. Unless he says you’re spectacular and give good head. Then he’s right.
- Don’t date a man expecting to change him. At the end of the day, he’ll still be a man, and you’ll have needlessly sacrificed a goat.
