A Tale Of Two Thanksgivings.

Yesterday, at 11 a.m., I passed by a Toys R Us and saw people camped out, waiting for the big doorbusters inside when the place opened 18 hours later. Great way to spend Thanksgiving, or the greatest way to spend Thanksgiving?

Let’s compare:

While my friend Jeff ladled the finishing touches on the juiciest, yummiest, perfectly carved turkey ever…

The Toys R Us folks slept in their own filth so they could save a whopping $4.99 on a 3 in 1 Jewelry Designer. In their defense, the is “just charming.” Winner: us.

While 27 of us ate, drank and felt like a one big, warm family…

The Toys R Us clan urinated in mayonnaise jars so as not to lose their one and only shot at paying only eight bucks (regularly $11.99) for a Magna Doodle, which is terrific – if your kid was born in 1972. Winner: tie.

And while we deliberated over this fabulous dessert selection…

Their cell phone charges dropped below 5% so they could save a whole 20% on the aptly-named Sorry. Winner: nobody.