• The Ron Burgundy-style jazz flute in this on-hold music is soothing enough to make me not want to bitch about my premium being raised. Well played, Aetna.
• Thanks to the new, violently high-pressure head I installed, I’m no longer showering – I’m delousing.
• Can anyone recommend a good CrossFit for me to drive past?
• Sure, we killed the second-most wanted terrorist on the planet, yet Steven Tyler’s stylist roams free.
