I really want to give all women something fancy today, like bring you breakfast in bed or beat the shit out of Chris Brown. But instead, I offer my annual list of ten things I think you should know about men. A hos before bros, if you will:
- You just gotta wait your turn. He’s out there. He’s just learning what to contrast you against.
- On the other hand, many of you wonder “Why can’t I find a nice guy?!” Then when you tell me you found a boyfriend, let me guess: already married cat-strangler.
- Those of you who plucked your eyebrows to the point in which they now have to be drawn on – who hurt you?
- Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
- If you’re in a massive dating slump because you believe guys only want you for intercourse, well maybe you’re in that slump because you keep using the word “intercourse.”
- He’s just agreeing with you because he wants to have sex with you. By the way, I agree with you too – especially in those pants.
- The boob job is today’s bad toupee.
- Men really want what they can’t have. If you need a guideline, take a serious look at the McRib marketing plan.
- Men smell, they’re hairy, they drink, they lie, they’re lazy and they’re rude. On the other hand, is there anything better than a woman? Actually, yes: two women. And that, ladies, is the reason why we like lesbians so much.
- What makes a guy get bored in a relationship? That’s an excellent question, and the answer is: questions like that.
