This Week In @mattshevin Tweets.

• (ABOVE): Food 4 Less. Serving unsuspecting dyslexic customers since 1977.
• Marry, F, kill: Kobe Bryant caught cheating “again,” Jerry Sandusky’s “hygiene” defense, Ryan Seacrest possibly hosting “The Today Show.”
• A UPS guy came to my door in long pants. I almost called Homeland Security.
• My neighborhood smells like fresh-baked bread. Do I have a brain tumor?
• I cut my tongue eating Cookie Crisp. Great injury – or the GREATEST injury?
• Hey Lexus, you do know the only people who receive cars as gifts are strippers, right?