This Week In @mattshevin Tweets.

• Guy on the freeway in a beat-up Kia with an “I ♥ VAGINA” bumper sticker. First you gotta see a vagina before you can ♥ it, ace.
• $5.5 mil a year salary, and AdrianGonzalez of the Red Sox blows it all on his eyebrows. #manscaping
• Who would have thought after all these years they could get the “Facts of Life” cast to reunite? #everyone
• Yes, I was in my underwear at 5:30 a.m. while my dog was taking a dump, but I won't make eye contact if you don't, LA Times delivery guy.
• My UCB improv class grad show is today at 3 p.m. Come see how the Jews spend their Sunday.
• If you didn’t make it to my UCB improv class grad show, you missed an airtight argument for child molestation. #kickingyourself
• Scattered on the freeway today: baseball caps with the word “WOOF!” on them. Meanwhile, the Royal Wedding scrounges to find new keepsakes.
• I didn't realize the fake ticket from the fake cop where I'm working was serious until I saw the frowny face on it.