More Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I wish I could say this was the first time beer and a bad haircut got together in my life.
• For the record, "no" on eating human flesh; "yes" on leaping off the Sears Tower.
• Thanks for the bartender scene. And for letting me show my mom that serving all those drinks in college really did pay off.
• Maybe now people will understand why I keep a can of Raid on me at all times.
• I never left a job to spend more time with a daughter – but I did to spend time with a Pit Bull.
• Thanks for letting me crack up your guy running the camera with my Vegas tranny material. (He’ll vouch.)