I had a ballgame Sunday night (the male antithesis of an Oscar party) so I didn’t get to watch the show until yesterday. Some thoughts:• Sure, it’s nifty that Kathryn Bigelow was the first woman to win best director, but isn’t it all the more impressive that she won after directing a turd like Point Break? I’m laying odds on the Academy finally recognizing Steve Guttenberg next year.
•You know what – forget Guttenberg – a few years back, if you’d offered me a "What's more likely, Sandra Bullock (the Brett Favre of chick flicks) winning an Oscar or joining ‘The Surreal Life’ some day?" wager, I would have gone heavy on “The Surreal Life." I mean, heavy.
•Avatar. A billion-dollar, visually stunning, technological masterpiece. Cut to its director, James Cameron, during a monologue riff about him, and the shot was so under-lit that all we got was a black screen. I loved that moment so much I wanted to have sex with it.
•Fisher Stevens now has an Oscar, AND has seen Michelle Pfeiffer naked. I think I’m gonna rush the court, because there’s a new #1-ranked cool guy.
•Sunday morning, I read an emotional article about five Canadian kids who were suddenly orphaned last month when a drunk driver killed their parents. Their 34-year-old aunt has dropped everything in her fun, single life to move to their tiny town and raise them. That’s a hero. Meanwhile, the circle-jerk that has fellow-actors one-at-a-time gushing over the best-actors’ immortal accomplishments – not.
•In New York, ABC TV, quibbling over money it believes Cablevision should be forking over, pulled the old use-the-subscribers-like-children-in-an-ugly-divorce-proceeding move, going off the air at 12:01 a.m. the day of the Oscars. Luckily, my mom has a son addicted to the Internet, and he hooked her up with a legally-sketchy website that aired the show live until the network and cable douchebags ironed out a deal 20 minutes after the broadcast had begun. Don’t pity my mom too much on this – pity ABC. I think I speak for those of us that grew up under her roof that she is one broad you do not want to cross.
