I’ve always had a true affinity for superheroes, because putting on tights and a cape ska-reams confirmed heterosexual, and not in a Larry Craig way, either.A bona fide superhero never reveals his true identity. Take Spider-Man, for example, who kept his mask on even as he was being hauled away on Hollywood Boulevard last week. A valiant effort by Spidey, thwarted only by the L.A. Times, who printed his real name after he was charged with aggravated assault.
Highlights from arguably the greatest Times article ever:
• The incident began when Los Angeles Police Department patrol officers received a radio call reporting battery by a man in a Spider-Man costume. When they arrived, they encountered four people dressed as the web-slinging crusader. "They stopped one, it wasn't him," said LAPD Lt. Beverly Lewis. "They stopped the second, and it was the suspect."
• Costumed impersonators have worked on Hollywood Boulevard for years. But sometimes the fun has turned violent. Tourists have complained that some costumed characters become abusive when the tourists refuse to pay them to pose for pictures. There have also been brawls. Two years ago, authorities convened a "superhero summit" designed to reduce tensions among the performers.
• The meeting was prompted in part by an incident in which LAPD officers arrested a "Star Wars" street performer in his furry brown Chewbacca costume for allegedly head-butting a tour guide who complained about the impersonator's treatment of Japanese tourists.
• In other incidents, actors dressed as the superhero Mr. Incredible, Elmo the Muppet and the dark-hooded character from the movie "Scream" were arrested for aggressive begging. A man dressed as the horror film character Freddy Krueger was also taken into custody for allegedly stabbing someone, although no charges were filed.
You stay classy, sir.
