Monday, July 27, 2009

Festivus, Part XXIV.

When I was a baby, laying in my crib, my dad looked down at me and dreamed that someday his son would grow up to write and star in a film that was accepted into 24 festivals.

That, or become a podiatrist. Tomato, tomahto.

The D.C. Shorts Film Festival – right in my old stomping ground. It was Bill Clinton campaign advisor Paul Begala that said of Washington: “politics is show business for ugly people.” So as a guy who went to college nine miles from D.C., and now lives in L.A., I thought I’d compare and contrast:

• D.C. has the worst traffic – and tentative drivers – I’ve ever had the pleasure of giving the finger to in their rearview mirrors. The Beltway makes the 405 Freeway look like the Autobahn.

• People in L.A. energetically pursue their dreams. Everyone in D.C. seems to be waiting for their next pay increment and coffee break.

• L.A. is humidity free. In D.C., waking up in a quagmire of your own sweat is a nightly occurrence.

• Sure they’ve got monuments, but I’ll take a pass on the FDR Memorial and check out the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room where River Phoenix OD’d.

• They re-elected a convicted crack dealer. We re-elected Schwarzenegger. That’s a tie.

D.C. Cab starred Mr. T., Bill Maher, the bodyguard from My Bodyguard, Otis Day and Wojciehowicz from “Barney Miller.” They win.

Thanks, D.C. Shorts Festival. You’re D.C. You’re Shorts. You’re fabulous.