Who could use a good hump-day pickmeup from the readers of Esquire? Eh – I was only asking to be nice. You’re getting ‘em whether you like ‘em or not:Don't bore people with skydiving stories. They know the ending. --Patrick Rynell, 33, Chicago
You can tell a lot about a place by how well its Wal-Mart is run. --Thomas Root, 23, Enterprise, Alabama
Some of the best eulogies I have ever heard have been about the most miserable people I have ever known. --John Gaccione, 59, Dix Hills, New York
One of the things women claim is most important in a man is a sense of humor. In my years as a comedian, I've learned that they're usually referring to the humor of guys like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Russell Crowe. Apparently, those guys are hilarious. --Jimi McFarland, 43, Denver
Cuban cigars are overrated. --Dan Hernandez, 41, Wenonah, New Jersey
Some people want to do great and interesting things. Others want to have already done them. --Steve Davey, 35, Portland, Maine
If you want to get to know someone, loan him some money. --Rick Franks, 41, Tallmadge, Ohio
Never party with people wearing rented clothes. --Dave Kessler, 66, Richmond, Indiana
Keith Richards has been my Dead-Guy Pool pick since 1974. I've lost more money on that son of a bitch than any stock I've ever owned. --John Carr, 46, Washington, D.C.
I regret the times I resisted telling someone, "Go fuck yourself" a lot more than the times I didn't. --Bob Drake, 58, Loveladies, New Jersey
