Post-Thanksgiving Ideology.

Black Friday through the years:
2005: 5 a.m.
2010: 3 a.m 2012: 12 a.m
2013: Thursday 8 p.m.
2014: Thursday
2020: 4th of July

Hope your Thanksgiving was as meaningful as ours. Or if it wasn’t, look at the bright side: angering your entire family means you don’t have to spend today buying them gifts.

I Give Thanks.

Time to get really excited about making a huge Thanksgiving feast so that the kids can just eat a roll. 

And time for me to give thanks, for everything that made this blog possible this year:

• The pubes in my frat’s bathroom 
• Not dropping my friend’s baby 
• International Joe Day 
• Grilled foot 
• The teasing squirrel 
• Pete Rose calling me 
• Spiked soda in a child’s lunch 
• Writer/director/actor/masturbator Louis CK 
• Roach Prison, the movie 
• Three-year-olds with mohawks

Can’t Blog. Training.

It’s cute how the Shake Shack employee told me to have a great Thanksgiving, as if I won’t be back there two more times today.

Happy Birthday, Old Man.

“It’s his eighth birthday, which makes him 56, really.” And yet the bouncer still said no.

So we celebrated Ricky’s day at home, I thought it was particularly special to watch the Kingsman scene together, in which Eggsy is ordered to shoot his puppy. You know, because witnessing the alternative is the best gift of all.

In Front Of A Live Studio Audience.

Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.

I had a chance to do just that yesterday, although it was a comedy scene. I participated in a talent blast, and got to perform in from of a room full of people, including six casting directors and two directors.

It was a rare chance for instant gratification, and I really liked it. My scene, about a handmade Valentine’s Day romantic coupon book gone horribly wrong, got great laughs. Very little feels better than that.

Speaking of performing, look at these knuckleheads:

DOGS, BRUH!!!💪🔥🤣🐶😭 pic.twitter.com/x3dllflZ9U

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 19, 2019

It’s On.

You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?

 I’m the same way with eating pie. Holiday pre-party was the shiz.

Matt’s Book Club.

I imagine most parents live in fear of the day they have to explain Pretty Woman to their daughters. 

You can thank the film’s director Garry Marshall for that. Garry made a lot of movies, and was also a producer of TV shows like “Happy Days,” “Laverne and Shirley” (starring his sister Penny, whom Garry isn’t afraid to admit was a nightmare on set) and “Mork & Mindy.”

Garry unfortunately passed away a few years ago, but not before he wrote a great autobiography, which I’m in the middle of reading.

He was easily one of the nicest guys in the business, so when a movie he was producing called The Grasshopper got off to a rocky start, he and his producing partner Jerry Belson were faced with a dilemma:

“Every time we got ready to start, director Don Medford said he needed another week to prepare. After five weeks, we had to fire Don. Jerry and I were nervous wrecks because we had never fired anyone before. I don’t love confrontations, so after we broke the news to Don, we left in a hurry. I realized when we reached his apartment lobby that I had forgotten my glasses, but we didn’t dare go back. It was easier for me to buy a new pair.” 

In the second season of “Mork & Mindy,” Garry wanted to cast famous guest stars:

“Raquel Welch played an alien romantic interest for Mork. When she arrived for work the first day, I asked Raquel if there was anything I could do for her. She startled me when she said, “Buy me a television.” I of course wanted to make her as happy as possible, so I bought it for her. I thought she wanted it for her dressing room, but she took the TV right home.”