Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Getting Judgy.

The presentation for best picture was a disaster. Nicole Kidman can’t clap like a human being. Mel Gibson is forgiven. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?

 It’s time to fix this. My friend Brian asked me to be a judge in the Pacific Coast Short Film Festival, and I was happy to contribute.

And how could I not? I get to watch a bunch of films, and maybe see the next great writers/directors before they really hit it big. Let the healing begin.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Allow Me To Star-F For A Moment.

That ending last night couldn’t have been any more ridiculous. I wish the lead accountant from Price Waterhouse Coopers had been mic’d up like a cornerback.

But enough about them. What’s become a welcome tradition for me is a chance to text with Ted Melfi (director of Hidden Figures and my movie The Beneficiary) during award shows. I sent Ted the pic of him alongside Pharell, who co-produced with Ted, and Ted’s wife Kim, an amazing actress in her own right.

Also, on Christmas Eve, I messaged Justin Hurwitz, the composer of La La Land, who wound up winning two Oscars last night. (Forgive my typo – I was moved.) He graciously, immediately replied:



Friday, February 24, 2017

I’m Not Smarter Than A Seventh Grader.

On my kindergarten report card it said, “He is encouraged to ask more questions”. My mom’s reaction: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

My mom’s reaction to my niece’s seventh grade report card? She sent my niece 25 bucks. Straight A’s equals straight cash money.

Worth nothing: neither of us have been been privy to my nephew’s grades.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Better Have A Damn Good Reason.

Mulberry Street pizza is my drug of choice. But what gives with covering up Garry Shandling’s autograph? That’s heresy.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

I’d Like To Not Thank The City Attorney.

Statistics say panic attacks most commonly affect two careers: actors and hospital residents, because we have to instantly go from structure to all hell breaking loose.

Doesn’t matter. I love acting. There’s nothing better than being on set and getting to play. It’s why the outgoing message on my voicemail says “I’ll do it.”

Getting to play tends to be a rare occurrence because there are over 200,000 actors in Los Angeles, and up to 3000 actors are submitted by their agents for each role. So how do we get ourselves into casting offices?

 One of the best ways is casting workshops. A chance to perform a scene in front of casting directors (CDs), and show them your skills and personality. (Knowing you’ll behave like a pro on set is very encouraging to CDs.)

Unfortunately, a bit of a scandal has popped up here in LA, as the city attorney got a bug up his ass and is on a mission to shut down workshops. You see, we actors pay to do them, and the city attorney is under the entirely false assumption that this creates a “pay for play” situation. Pay, or no audition for you.

An actor friend of mine had this to say about it:
I don’t think the CDs or workshops (which are privately owned, usually by actors) are doing anything wrong, as actors who attend them understand what they are and are willing to pay for them. But legal things often proceed on optics – how they appear to a third party who knows nothing about how they work. To a third party, a workshop looks like a paid audition. If anything, it’s a paid general. (A “general” is a meeting with a casting director. There’s no audition – just a chance to be memorable so this person you’re seeing for the first time will keep you in mind for a future project. They’re pretty rare nowadays, because they were never as beneficial as workshops. –Matt) A workshop is the only practical way actors get to practice their craft, THEY’RE NOT SCAMS. They are paid interactions with industry professionals which provide both a chance to act and an opportunity to have that acting seen by someone who can help an actor obtain employment.
Hell yeah they are. But the city attorney went nuts a couple weeks ago and surprised ten random CDs by bringing them up on charges, that could result in a $10,000 fine and up to a year in prison. He also charged several workshops themselves, and some of them immediately shut their doors, and just like that, being an actor became that much more challenging.

It’s a crazy witch hunt that massively sucks shit, and I pray it shall pass.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Judge A City By Its Coverage.

I heard a street preacher say gays cause floods, so I called my friend Eric and asked him what other rad shit he could do.

While the rest of the country (and really, Los Angelenos themselves) likes to make fun of LA for its “Stormwatch” coverage every time it sprinkles a bit here, all of a sudden shit got real.

After dangerously historic drought conditions hit Southern California for the past couple years, Mother Nature decided to clear her browser history. We’ve had so much rain in the last past month, reservoirs are overflowing. Above is a shot I took on Saturday of a freeway message alert about an upcoming mudslide. I’d cry about it, but liquid is the LAST thing we need.

Meanwhile, when it rains down here, it snows up north. My brother took this shot at Mammoth Mountain of something I’ve never seen before: a suffocation hazard. Apparently, my nephew became completely submerged in snow skiing through trees. I didn’t ask if he survived. Remind me, Siri.

Still skeptical? May I present to the court evidence A, B and C: 

Monday, February 20, 2017