Festivus, Part III.

My featurette strikes again, this time as a semi-finalist in The Show Off Your Shorts Film Festival. It’ll screen the weekend of February 7th and 8th at Raleigh Studios in Hollywood.

Yes, it’s smaller potatoes, fest-wise. But it’s not a ridiculously empty honor, like, say, a Grammy. And three festivals in the first six weeks after the movie was completed ain’t bad, right?

And I can’t figure out if the name of this festival is for me ironic, or just plain fate.

Day 8: Takin' Off.

On my way back to L.A. as you read this. Luckily, with my new girth, I’m not flying Southwest, with its shakedown two-seat charge for those of us with badonk-a-donk.

Speaking of whack airlines, last night I hit Broadway again and saw Boeing Boeing. It's an outstanding, hilarious show, starring Mark Ryland, above, who is one of those guys that can make me crack up at every word out of his mouth. The whole cast looked like it was having the time of its life.

Great trip overall. Final weigh-in: gained 8 lbs. But then I lost 275 when the Jets fired their fat head coach.

Day 7: Biff Wellington, At Your Service.

Me, on the left. My big brother, on the right.

I may have to consult a professional, but I have a terrible feeling that I’m suppressing a Young Republican past.

Day 6: Kickass Celebrity Sightings Thus Far.

Brian Baumgartner
LAX, pre-flight
Brian is in the new movie Four Christmases, but is mostly known for playing Kevin on “The Office”. As a fellow drummer, I gave him a Scrantonicity shoutout.




Carla Gallo
JFK Airport, post-flight
Carla, who starred in one of my all-time favorite TV shows, “Undeclared” (plus several great movies like Superbad), was on my return flight last Christmas as well. I went up to her at baggage claim to ask her if two years in-a-row constituted a tradition, and we wound up talking while waiting for our very late bags. She was super cute and sweet and said she’d just finished shooting ten episodes of “Californiacation”. Very cool chick.


Fred Armisen
Barrymore Theater, pre-performance
Fred created a ruckus this month with his hilarious impersonation of blind New York Governor David Patterson on SNL. He and I now share the experience of seeing Norbert Leo Butz almost soil himself on his first night in Speed the Plow.

Day 5: As In, Add Another 5 Lbs.

Hanukah, shmanukah – I’m about as Jewish as Melanie Griffith in A Stranger Among Us.

But I can’t pass up on my mom’s latkes. These deep-fried servings of tater heaven will no doubt be on the menu for my last meal on death row. Just after I mow down the next pedestrian who takes his damn time crossing the street when he knows I’m waiting to make a right. Consider yourself warned, Chico.

Latkes were followed with the exchanging of gifts, then a movie about a plot to kill Hitler, and we had ourselves the Jewish hat trick – a.k.a., “The Yarmulke.”

Day 4: 24-Hour New Yorker.

Yes, I’ve completely converted to Californianism. I really loves me some El Ay.

But for one day, I’ll reassimilate into the old country and talk some trash at the folks back west: we had a white Christmas, and in a very high-pitched voice, I offer a resounding “ha-ha.”

Moving on, my fellow-fatty Santa and I both put in some OT on Christmas Eve, and you reap the benefits. Feel free to ease that post-partum holiday depression with a new, music-related Lycos column:

The Lycos 50

Day 3: The Holiday Triple Threat.

What do you get when you mix gay, Italian and New York?

This guy’s front yard, one town over from my home town.

An extremely merry Christmas to all.