In Which I Bust The LAX Pickup Myth.

Tip: hug your Uber driver at the airport so people will think you have family that loves you.

I had an entirely satisfying Uber ride home from LAX two weeks ago (you earned the 5 stars and 25% tip, Hyun), despite all the backlash the new system here is receiving.

Something had to be done; it was becoming an impossible logjam on the arrival level. I live three miles from LAX, and it once took me 90 minutes (granted it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving) to get into the airport to pick someone up. LAX had to respond. They did.

As of November 1st, there are no more pickups by taxis, Uber or Lyft at the terminals. Instead, new buses have a dedicated lane, and run constantly around the horseshoe, picking up passengers and taking them to Lot 1 in the airport, where hired rides can take them home. (Loved ones can still pick you up at the terminals, only now crazy faster.)

“PASSENGERS STRANDED FOR HOURS WAITING FOR THEIR UBERS!” was splashed across the Internet when this began on November 1st. Must you, haters? LA is the best city in the world. Don’t be jelly.

On November 3rd, with the system three days old and still feeling itself out, I flew into LAX, and got to experience it for myself. The key is to order your Uber while you’re still getting off the plane. Above, note the time on my screen grab: 9:49 a.m. Also notice I was assigned a pickup zone.

I walked out of the terminal as a bus pulled right up. It had comfy seats and free WiFi. (The human body can survive three weeks without food, but only three minutes without Internet.) It took one minute to get to Lot 1, where I easily located my pickup zone. These zones are set up so that 83 people can be picked up by their rides simultaneously.

The zones have charging stations. No other airport on the planet has that. LA. F yeah.

Uber ordered at 9:49 a.m.. Home by 10:13 a.m.. In the past, my ride would have taken over a half hour just to pick me up.

Why it’s my job to demystify all this bullshit I’m not sure. But I love LA and I’m happy to do it. So come visit me, friends. I’ll come pick you up so fast, I won’t even come to a complete stop.