Been A While, But Once Again: Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• Is it “sup” or “suh”? I want my grandma’s eulogy to be just right.

• I imagine a third zebra strolled casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah’s ark.

• Excruciating cashier small talk. Brought to you by chip card readers.

• I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.

• Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving. Better start marinating the beaver.

• We men very much enjoy our all-in-one shampoo-conditioner-body wash-face soap-toothpaste-car wax.