I’m On A Boat.

Ladies, don't date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date his dad.

Especially if the yacht is as huge as the one I was on last night for a Christmas party. We cruised around Newport Beach during its annual Christmas boat parade. It was the best.

Up on the third deck, a fancy sit-down dinner. Or as I call it: “Wednesday”.

This boat, named “Wild Goose” belonged to John Wayne. He used to take Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Jackie Gleason fishing on it. That’s bad ass.

Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I looked him dead in eye and said, “I already told you in my letter.”