God Shed His Grace On Thee.

Let’s not forget the true meaning of Independence Day: celebrating the defeat of the aliens that blew up the White House after Will Smith attacked them.

But nothing is more American than the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest, and yesterday, a new record was set: 74 hot dogs in ten minutes. I bet my nephew who would win, fully disclosing the contest had happened earlier and I knew the result.

He bet me anyway, and owed me 15 pushups. It’s like hosting a knife fight in geometry class.