Cold Opening.

I didn’t even set foot in my mom’s house after arriving here, and already I was shoveling snow. On the second night of Chanukah, I’m giving her a flamethrower.

Never a good sign when the chick sitting next to you on the plane breaks out the Emergen-C, and of course I contracted her fever. My temp is 100.7°, which means I’m 81 degrees warmer than the 19-degree New York weather. Thanks a lot, Typhoid Mary.