An All-New “Excerpts From My Text Messages.”

If I’m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts, too.

I’ll respond to them. And here are a few new, real messages from my phone, with my outgoing texts in blue:

Credit for this last one goes to my friend Chad. A Howard Stern reference after Chad’s Pittsburgh Penguins clinched the Stanley Cup and were about to sip champagne from it.