Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• So, if I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior I get to spend all of eternity with people like Mike Huckabee? Hard pass.

• There’s a small part of me that is staying alive just to see what happens to Tom Cruise.

• It’s capable of being the heart-shaped tub of Poconos honeymoons.

• That is a face only a Munich-trained technician could love.

• If I pay $40 for a haunted house, I better die.