Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• A swim-up bar is the best place to flirt while standing in other people’s piss.

• A pretty woman can totally convince me to spend too much in a sports store. Then again, so can an ugly dude.

• I’m just waiting for the big earthquake that’ll finally make Apple Maps 100% accurate.

• Already regret the text I’m about to send.

• As to what sort of mischief Ringling Brothers’ clown college could get into with a Smart Car, the mind fairly boggles.

 • Summer is the worst time of the year to turn goth. What the hell was I thinking?