Excessive? Yes. But effective as hell, and my new philosophy on life. You see, a month ago I got very sentimental when the LA Fitness where I’d worked out since the day I moved to Los Angeles suddenly closed down. (Turned out I was the very last member working out there as workers broke the place down around me. TVs were ripped off the walls, weights were carted off into three moving vans. I went down with the ship.)
Then I grudgingly made my way over to a different, newly-remodeled location, and what I discovered was 1) I’m an idiot, and 2) my old gym sucked shit.
The new place is incredible. Machines are state of the art, angled differently, cooler, better. Every workout gives me the best pump. All of the aerobic equipment – ellypticals, stairmasters and tread mills each sport their own 19” flat screen TVs. And it occurred to me: sometimes being thrown out in the street is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Your asshole boss shitcans you, and you wind up doubling your salary. Your wife leaves you, and your new, hotter lady-friend makes you realize there are women out there who love you almost as much as they love putting out for you.
Firings, breakups and all other punches in the gut are essential. But why wait? Why let someone else pull the trigger? If something or someone in your life doesn’t make you leap out of bed with a passion every morning, put your foot up its ass. Life goes by way too fast. Move on, and send me a text when you get there. Though not a group one, thanks.
