Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• When I saw Jay Z and Beyonce on stage together, all I could think was “they must have gotten a babysitter for tonight.” I’m getting old.

• Belated New Year’s resolution: draw a chalk outline around a dead clown.

• I could see her camouflage pants, so they weren’t working.

• Nothing is better than seeing an old friend who now looks terrible.

• These days, doing a sex tape is like doing a pilot.

• Is there a code I can text to help the people waiting outside Chipotle before it opens at 11?