Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I’ve never had a hole in one, but my ball once hit a 50-year-old white guy, and that was way more satisfying.

• When it comes to public policy and gross immigration reform, I’m a TOTAL Samantha.

• Who do you think is watching “Dancing With the Stars?” French nerds, JetBlue passengers who fall asleep with the TV on, pets whose owners have died and idiots.

• At this point why don’t they just open a separate school for kids that don’t have a peanut allergy?

• I’ve seen more formal wear at a Verizon store.

• Three minutes. That’s the average time from when I start trying to do something on Facebook until I’m seething with anger.