And I’ll put my dating knowledge up anytime against Dr. Alex Benzer, who a few years ago wrote an article urging people not to date actors. Dr. Benzer, a self-proclaimed pussy hound (he’s gone out with “enough” actresses), offered up nine reasons why dating us is a bad idea. My rebuttal:
1. Actors are financially unstable. If we are, it’s only because we choose to be. Any one of us could have easily leaned into the pitch and taken the first job offered back in our hometowns. But instead, we chose to invest in ourselves and follow our dreams. And we bust our asses bartending and waiting tables because that’s what we have to do to fund our mission. And by the way, I’m an actor, and I live a block from the beach and my credit rating is 850, ace.
2. Actors are in a state of perpetual emergency. Seems more like perpetual excitement to me. When I find out I’ve gotten a callback, saliva leaks from the corners of my smile. Oh, and you contradict yourself by saying a guy feels left high and dry because an actress has an audition. Don’t you want her to book the role and be financially stable? It’s a real chin-scratcher.
3. Actors have funny schedules. She might not be around because she’s in a theater production, or away on a shoot? Suck it up, you codependent pussy.
4. They are constantly exposed to rejection, hurting their self esteem. Yeah, and they develop a thick skin about it, because they knew coming into this business that it was loaded with rejection. Seems to me Dr. Fugly doesn’t like being rejected by his myriad actress girlfriends.
5. They are in constant danger of being criticized publicly and therefore feel insecure. Don’t date an actress because some tabloid might take a swipe at her? That’s a reason? Even if it were true, I’ve dated one or two or ten chicks with crazy-low self esteem. None of them were actresses.
6. Their self-absorption leaves little room in their lives for others. Getting a little repetitive here, “doctor.” You say because she’s in a constant state of emergency, she won’t have time to be understanding and patient. Guess us guys better rule out dating female cops, firefighters, doctors, reporters, corporate execs, PR execs and military personnel. Leaves few options, but not to worry – chicks dig repetitive assholes with mutton chops.
7. They are incapable of sustained, deep happiness. Um, you can’t throw a punch without hitting a miserable person. 99% of the people with whom that punch connects aren’t actors.
8. Their satisfaction is externally determined. You think an actor’s whole way of existence is about expression rather than introspection? No one knows themselves better than actors. And I’ll date someone who has the self awareness to pursue a dream over someone who doesn’t, and is later racked with regret. That is one cold spinster.
9. They inhabit a perceived state of permanent decline. Actresses hate getting old? Unlike the rest of us, who are positively thrilled to age. Speaking of which, what are you hiding under that douchey hat, Doc?
Here’s the bottom line: I’ll admit as actors we’re all a little broken. We can be needy and lack confidence. But people can have those qualities no matter the profession. These traits happen to be more out in the open with famous people.
How about before judging someone, you walk a mile in his shoes? Unless he wears those shoes that look like feet. Then judge away.
So to everyone out there: feel free to date an actor. Just don’t date a crazy one.
