Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• If you’ve never been to a Passover seder, the best way I can describe it is: the most boring drinking game ever.

• Too bad I’m not attracted to androgyny and self-pity or she’d have it made.

• It’s pretty safe to say I’ll never become a blood drinker. I have trouble keeping down Strawberry Quik.

• At this point, why don’t they just open a separate school for kids that don’t have a peanut allergy?

 • God Hates FAQs.

• “Ah, shit.” – anyone sitting behind Slash at a movie theater.