Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• So, after a nephew discovers his uncle’s gigantic box of porn, does the uncle actually have to throw the box away? Asking for a friend.

• Some say life begins at conception. And here I thought it began at 40.

• Is there any way to eat at Wendy’s and not look suicidal?

• I’m tired of talking this much to a woman I’m not having sex with.

• Some things are funny because they make no sense. And that is not one of them.

• Just once I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where a woman gets a positive and bursts out crying.