Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I actually know a guy in New York who loves a good rub ‘n tug joint. I call him “Dad.” 

• I was impressed with the food in the Philippines. I’d assumed their meat was just deflated kickballs.

• Honey Boo Boo is hands down my favorite Sacha Baron Cohen character.

• Has the Hitler comparison ever not backfired?

• I don’t think brains hear “I should get tattoo sleeves to go with my giant penis” much.

• Please forgive me for leaving my bedazzled codpiece at home.