Monday, July 9, 2012

Rest In Peace, Sir.

Every now and then I wonder what my obituary will say. Whatever it is, I hope it contains the words “in his sleep.”

It sucked to hear Ernest Borgnine died yesterday, but the man led a pretty incredible life. Here are his final stats:

• He won an Oscar for the movie Marty, but was paid only five grand for the role.

• His first film was released 61 years ago. His last film releases later this year.

• He was married five times, but the last 39 years to wife #5. Wife #3 was Ethel Merman, and it lasted only 32 days. In her autobiography, Ethel devoted a chapter of her autobiography to the marriage. It consisted of one blank page.

• Ernest lived to be 95, and at age 91, he appeared on “Fox & Friends.” While on the air, the hosts asked him how he managed to “look fantastic” at his age. He whispered to co-host Steve Doocy, “I masturbate a lot.”