I mentioned last year that my friend Michael, upon seeing my “Deaths That Sucked” list, asked if there would also be a “Best Deaths” list (which I’d have given to the Indianapolis Colts last year, who were upset by my Jets.) This year’s best death, however, is easy: Osama Bin Laden. Suck it, bitch.And if I could go one further and have a “Best Births” list, hands down I'd give it retroactively to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate son. I love that kid.
Meanwhile, here are the sucky ones:
Pete Postlethwaite. Steven Spielberg called him “the best actor in the world.” So while I’m sad to see him go, it’s nice to move up one notch.
Liz Taylor. The media claims she was the most beautiful actress of her time, but I only knew of her in her fat Elvis years. She did do a bunch for charity, so her death technically sucked.
Sidney Lumet. He directed 40 films, and had almost as many marriages. Stud.
Jeff Conaway. Long before he was exaggerating his drug habit for reality TV, he shot one of the top five sitcom scenes of all time.
Peter Falk. After he died, the LAPD issued a statement saying they were proud to be associated with Peter’s character Colombo. And then returned to their regular duties of being racist scumbags.
Bubba Smith. The only one on this list I met in person. And while he was kinda batshit crazy, he was a gentle man.
Patrice O’Neal. This one really sucked shit because he was only 41 years old. But I was happy that after I blogged about his death, a few friends of mine got really hooked on his standup on YouTube.
Harry Morgan. My favorite line from his run as Colonel Potter on “M*A*S*H” was in response to the question “Why do women ride side-saddle?” to which Potter replied, “Would you marry a woman who didn’t?”
