Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I always alert the woman I’m sleeping with that her husband’s going to lose out on a military project. But I’m a giver.
• I’ve never had a fortnight stand, but I once had a one-night stand that wound up lasting eight nights. I call it a “Chanukah stand.”
• You’re the foul-mouthed, ball-bustin’, merciless, Italian sister I never had.
• My mom wants to thank you for helping her achieve her dream of me becoming a cardiologist, even if only for two minutes.
• I couldn't have drawn more attention to myself if I had been wearing a “Weiner 2012” T-shirt.
• A workshop on a Sunday morning always beats church. Then again, an insurance seminar on a Sunday morning always beats church.