Every time I eat in a restaurant in New York with my friend Jeff, and our waitress is wearing a name tag, Jeff feels obligated to use her name at least twice:JEFF: “Hi Linda. I’d like a burger, and I’ll start with the house salad, Linda.”
ME: “I’d like the chicken sandwich, right after I slap the shit out of Jeff.”
Feel free to call me Jason. Once. Headshot-apalooza, round two:
Who the hell are you? Meet with photographers before you shoot, and see if you feel comfortable with them. The camera picks it up if you aren’t feeling it. A little trick – cover someone’s eyes on their headshot – if their smile appears fake or doesn’t match their eyes, the actor felt uncomfortable, and the headshot makes him look a real pussy. Also, discuss the types of roles you’re going to go out for, and shoot them accordingly. You’ll need to include one or two headshots for commercial auditions, which tend to feature more smiling, and often double as your sitcom headshot. Five different looks will increase your audition at-bats, because they’ll show casting directors sides of you they wouldn’t necessarily have imagined. For example, while no Jew has ever gotten so much as a fingernail dirty, my agent wanted me to get the above mechanic headshot. As a result, I booked a few mechanic roles recently, and my agent scored herself a swanky spa gift certificate for Christmas, courtesy of me.
Who the hell are you strikes back: this is jumping ahead a bit, but make sure you look like your headshot. It’s the biggest pet peeve of casting directors. If your shots are old, they’ll know the second you walk in their door that you’re not 22 anymore, and they’ll throw your wrinkly ass right out that door for wasting their time. And don’t retouch yourself so much that you practically become an avatar. Once you piss off a casting director, there’s no charming your way back. And make sure you choose from all of the photos taken of you carefully. Angie Hill was supposed to take about 400 shots of me, but she’s so cool she took 896. Most of them were great, which was a good problem to have, but I only chose the ones that captured my personality. Have your agent, friends and acting teachers help you choose yours. There’ll be a consensus among them, and brace yourself – you’re likely to hate their choices because they won’t be the prettiest shots of you. It’s your unique personality that gets you auditions, not the gorgeous shots, which get you jack shit. All those actors who wonder why their agents can’t get them in front of casting directors – this is why. Stubborn had a party and nobody came.
Let’s hit the pause button. In tomorrow’s conclusion, I help you achieve that all-important “glow.” Even if I have to knock you up to get it.
