Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• If I had a nickel for every time I sarcastically talked a friend out of blackmailing a politician…
• An MRI of my insides would reveal a fellow self-hating Jew.
• I've always found that when pretending to be your dead brother on a pseudo-date, the only dinner option is fondue.
• For the record, I’m still justifiably terrified to Google “Cleveland Tornado.”
• Take it from me – hitting on “the one” at a funeral is only good on paper.
• It was nice to take a break from playing video games to shower, put on long pants and act like I was playing video games.