I was shocked when I heard that after recently hosting “Saturday Night Live,” Taylor Swift was the first host to ever send the cast and crew hand-written thank-you notes and gifts. That’s 35 seasons full of rude, cheap-ass MFs before Taylor did the right thing. Give that doll the extra half-point and bump her up to a ten.What makes this so much of a head-scratcher for me is that I put pen to paper thrice a week and thank the casting directors that come in to my workshop. I’ve corralled a few portions of the ones I’ve written, and pasted them below. They all reference scenes the CDs assigned me, thus making them out of context, but oddly interesting:
- "It was nice to take a night off from dealing with my mother issues to do a scene about father issues."
- "If I had a nickel for every psychiatrist who pronounced me “cured,” I’d be broke."
- "If I had a nickel for every stripper I drove home, only to turn down her advances, I’d be broke."
- "I’ve never pulled off the perfect divorce, but when it comes to getting dumped, I’m a Viking."
- "For the record, I’ll only perform my Jewish man-sneeze in return for beer tickets and pretzels."
- "I would have turned out way cooler if my parents had named me Rafe Hernandez Shevin."
- By the way, I would never racially profile against anyone – except white folks."
- "The only thing tougher than getting through a gory embalming is getting through your mom’s bat mitzvah. You’re a mensch."
