I firmly believe that a name makes the man – call your kid Waldo, and chances are he won’t be suiting up for the Packers on Sundays. So I hereby review each of the finalists, and the accompanying profession had my mom and dad chosen it:
- Blaine – male nurse
- Blair – male shampooer
- Brent – Ponzi scheme kingpin
- Brett – weather guy who prefers the term “meteorologist”
- Cary – towel boy for the WNBA
- Eric – Geek Squad assistant manager
- Greg – white 7-Eleven employee
- Ian – suicide hotline operator whose job is outsourced to India
- Ives – Civil War reenactor
- Jeffrey – owner of New Jersey’s best slow-speed dial-up service
- Jeremy – mobile pet groomer
- Neal – janitor who huffs glass cleaner while on the clock
- Olin – chimney sweep
- Oran – creator of an iPhone app that helps you locate the nearest rub ‘n tug
- Todd (which they did choose as my middle name) – semi-pro foosball player
- Victor – utility infielder in the Astros organization
- Kerry – bed & breakfast owner who’s a little too touchy/feely
- Wendy Beth – Tiger Woods mistress
