Hilaricious.

It’s drilled into actors’ heads that in an audition setting, we really have to take charge. Which can be tricky for those of us who can barely get to the bank before it closes.

In a workshop the other night, here was the scenario: I was paired up with my friend Brian in a scene in which we’re two guys having drinks. His character is a real stick-in-the-mud, and mine was described as a “Vince Vaughn that can’t get laid.”

At the end of our scene, as we talk about a friend getting married, I say to Brian’s character, “Yeah, well he’s not livin’ and swingin’ like us,” to which Brian, baffled, replies, “We’re at Applebee’s.”

It didn’t feel like a complete ending to me, and, wanting to be a take-charge guy, I figured I oughta load-up with a funny button for the scene just in case. So I jumped on the Blackberry, searched the Applebee’s menu, and when Brian’s “We’re at Applebee’s” didn’t get the laugh we wanted, I paused and said, “Dude, chicken parmesan tanglers.” Much better. The casting director loved us.

It begs the question: what did actors in Shakespearean times do when faced with an Applebee’s punchline? Internet access back then had to be sketchy at best.

By the way, the runner-ups were:

• Steak quesadilla towers
• Cajun lime tilapia
• Brewtus steak burger
• Triple chocolate meltdown

(Three-word items seemed to be funniest.)

Happy long weekend, for those of you who work for a living. Take a cue from my mom, and slather on the SPF, put on a big hat, open up a huge beach umbrella and never leave the house.