Some guys have a Super Bowl T.D. Or the time they solved a Rubik’s Cube. I had an audition for a cracker.The cracker brand was Gran Pavesi. Which is quite possibly Italian for “sexual assault.” I’ll have to check.
The call was for a guy in shorts and flip flops, and talk about typecasting – I’m like the Marlboro man of European snacks.
It all took place last week. I arrived at the casting office, read the storyboard and my eyes widened a little bit.
Here’s what they needed me to do: sit in a beach chair next to a sunbathing woman in a bikini, which in this case was a tall, 10 of an Australian blonde, nibble on crackers (tasty, lemon ones) and spot an imaginary fly circling around me until it lands on Aussie Chick’s butt. Then take a rolled-up magazine and swat that butt. Then apologize by splitting a cracker with her.
The director wanted four takes. Aussie Chick urged me to hit her as hard as I liked. And I am nothing if not professional. It was sensory overload.
I suppose it’s all downhill from here. Worth it. Grande grazie, Gran Pavesi.
